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A few weeks ago I was thumbing through a horror magazine (I forget if it was Fangoria or the far superior Rue Morgue) when I saw a full page ad for Gary Busey starring as the Gingerdead Man. I laughed out, “Wow! That is absolutely retarded. I must see it as soon as possible.”

Flash forward to last night, when thanks to Netflix I was able to get my hands on that little stinker with a quickness. I must admit, I’m a long time fan of horror movies especially bad ones. I don’t mind low budget, if anything I like them better that way. But, let me tell you, this movie sucked far past the point of redemption.

God, where to start? **spoilers down below**
Gary Busey, who probably snorted up the films entire budget along with that white powder on his nose that I’m hoping is flour, is in the film for all of 5 minutes in the beginning engaging in the most boring “killing-spree” in film history.

After being captured (a scene not included in the film) convicted, thanks to generic “testimony” we learn from later newspaper headlines. (also not shown) and executed (again, unseen) his role in the film is reduced to poorly dubbed one-liners once the titular menace makes it’s presence.

The Ginderdead Man itself is basically a half-baked Chucky from Child’s Play. It runs around in the shadows, pops up every once and awhile to hurt someone a spew out bad one-liners and then disappears again. What’s worse, most shots are just of it’s face (looking suprising like a more doughy verson of Busey).

99.9% of the movie takes place in a Bake Shop, at night. Yet, despite the fact that the cast of characters (how busy is this night shift) never attempt to leave (”He can get us outside to, right?”… yeah, right… morons) there are establishing shots of the bake shop over and over. Because the 60 minutes of film they actually had needed to be padded out showing the wonderful junior highschool drama production quality set design.

Then, the plot. The plot was so bad I won’t even inflict it on you but if you go to a bakeshop make sure they don’t accept Gingerbread Seasoning deliveries from hooded figures or BLEED INTO THE MIX. WTF was that? “Oh my god your bleeding. Here, lets hold it over the mixture.”

There were enough unbelievable inconsistant moments in the film that at one point Kate turned to me and said: “You know those commercials where kids get high and end up shooting someone or running someone over? They need to make one showing them making this movie because this is just tragic.”

At one point the power was out, so the characters (fully lit) ran around, managing to see everything just fine, one of them spotting a tiny trail of blood all the way on the other side of the room. And, even though their lives were in danger, there’s always enough time for pointless unconvincing flirtation. Or talking about the big storm going on after we’ve just seen a shot of the sky where nothings happening! Don’t even get me started about counting bullets, I lost track after 15 fired from a revolver without reloading. Most in the same scene.

Still, there were a couple of good lines and funny visuals. The script would’ve been better off as a series of six or seven 3-panel comics than a movie. All that, and there wasn’t even any decent gore. **Sigh**